I'm still not sure about the "resounding gong".

Honestly its a lot easier to read something about love and how it looks when its done correctly, then to actually do it correctly.
Just think about the last time someone hurt you, really hurt you, have you forgiven them? How long will it take?
Will you forgive them at all?

Christ handled hurt this way:
Romans 5:8 (New International Version)
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

And this way, Luke 23:34 (New International Version)
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

The only thing I could do in all our troubles was rely on the Lord and love my husband. We got through our issues but things never got totally better. Unlike Christ I hung onto all the things that had been said and done. I said I forgave him but I never totally did. I kept a record of everything he had ever said and done and when I needed to, I would bring them back up. At some point I wanted things to get better so I got a book called "The Power of a Praying Wife". The first thing the author asked was for each reader to put away the idea that God needed to change your spouse; wow, I didn't see that coming and wasn't too awful happy about it.
I read the book and I prayed for myself and my husband, but I always saved a little bit of hurt and anger for myself; like when you hide a candy bar so no one else can find it, and they can't because they don't know the hiding places in the kitchen because they don't have a uterus. I saved a portion of that uterus having candy bar; it was my safety net in some ways. Having that pain and anger I think meant that I was entitled to live the way I choose, because I was damaged and hurt beyond recognition.
As I stated in my last blog, a lot of things happened during those first years of marriage, which really just added to our already heavy luggage rack.

Flash forward.
At some point during year 6, that's right, SIX, I decided that I was tired of living like this with David. Things would be good, then crap, then good, then really crappy. It was exhausting. I prayed and asked God why he hadn't "restored" my marriage, like everyone said he would if I asked!? There was something different this time though about me- I was ready to do whatever because I was at the bottom. Now I understood what 1 Corinthians 13 was...

What's a resounding gong?

I know a man who thinks that God created marriage to teach us about sacrificial love.
I would agree with him now that I'm married.
I know a woman that once said, "Men, you can't live with 'em, you can't shoot 'em.", now that I'm married I also agree with her.

As if Christ's death wasn't enough for us; we needed yet another example of what love looks like.

After our blissful wedding, David and I began to have some pretty serious problems; they started two days after we arrived in Mexico for our honeymoon. (Ha, I bet you thought I was going to say something like a year or two into our marriage!)

Unlike most people who get married (slather on the sarcasm) we came into our marriage with a ton of baggage.
David was from a divorced home and I was trying to get over things that had happened so many years ago. Neither one of us was successful at taking care of those issues before marriage, so we brought them into our new life together. Horrible things were said and done; there was lots of crying, someone threw a shoe at someone else while they were driving away after an argument (ahem David), and words that you can NEVER take back were said. My heart was broken. My parents had been married forever and here we were at a month and then two months trying to hang on to absolute crap.

I didn't know what to do so I went to God's Word. I knew 1 Corinthians 13, all Christians do, just like all British people know Beatles songs. This is it:

"1 Corinthians 13

Love

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

After I looked this up and wrote it down, I dug further into God's word, writing down each and every verse that spoke to me about love. I made up my mind that no matter what, I was going to stay in my marriage. That proved harder some days than others. However, when it was all said and done, we stayed together further burying our problems; both pre-marriage and the ones we created together.

Once we got pregnant with our first child, things didn't get better, in fact they almost got worse. I think I hated David. I was only going to stay married because I had to, I had made a promise and that was it. I couldn't and wouldn't forgive him for what had been done and said in our marriage. Isabella Grace was born 3 months early and spent 57 days in Bronson Methodist Hospital. The journey that we went on, the way that Christ stepped in and showed himself to us. how he worked though that pain to save our marriage, was amazing.

Let that sink in. In the middle of absolute fear and anguish Christ was there, steady as the rock that He is, offering me peace, clarity and help.

It's about time!

I've been gone for awhile...so the title is being used for dual purposes.
When we last left our heroine, me, I was starting to change...my dear friend Jessica was investing in me and I was growing.

And I grew. I met a guy and for the first time in my life, I dated differently. I wanted to do things "the right way"; I wanted more than heartache out of this relationship. He and I really communicated about what we wanted and how we wanted to be prayerful about everything we did together; even if that meant not being together.

After a couple of weeks I had to go back to Michigan for a wedding. We decided we'd pray and talk when I got back. It was amazing how little stress was involved in leaving. I had decided to ask God into a relationship of mine for the first time in my life and I just knew that he would make things abundantly clear.

My Mom picked me up from the airport and took me to see my Dad; he was running sound for a friend of his.

I got to the gig.
I saw a boy.
I went out with the boy.
I talked to his friend.
I fell in love with his friend.
It changed my life.
Forever.

That was a Saturday night. All I could think about was David Proulx all day on Sunday. I called him but he wasn't there so I had to leave him a message and wait...wait...wait...the hours seemed to take FOREVER. He FINALLY called, I couldn't believe how nervous I was talking to him. "Do you want to come over and go to the Bird Sanctuary?", I asked. "I'll be there in 30 minutes!", was his reply.

Honestly, if we could re-create that first date it would look great on film. Do you remember "You've Got Mail", when Meg Ryan's character is just walking and looking at Tom Hank's character; just knowing but not able to believe she loves him? That was us. We walked and talked and sat, and kissed. We couldn't stop kissing in fact. I was so, something, that I wanted to vomit.

I lost 5 pounds in one week, on account of being "in love".

On Monday we went to Chicago and we said, "I love you", for the first time. On Tuesday we decided to get married.
On Wednesday we picked out our rings. On Friday he bought mine.

That Saturday I flew back to Arizona, ended it with the really nice guy, and flew back home to David Proulx.
He asked me to marry him that next Friday.
We got married 2 months later.

Crunch time.